Lately I’ve been feeling a little down and not very happy. I can’t quite explain why. I can tell things are bad too because my husband has been increasingly annoyed with me and our daily interactions. He told me the first 2 things that came out of my mouth one particular morning were negative and I was like, so what?! Deal with it. It’s who I am. Is it? Really? Am I doomed to be negative, pessimistic and a relatively unhappy person my whole life?
Rewind 2 years back to when I started seeing a therapist. This isn’t something I normally talk about and those of you that know me probably didn’t know I even saw one! I’m not ashamed but I usually don’t share a ton of personal stuff for many reasons that would probably require more sessions. Anyway… at that time I was feeling the same crappy way and thought it was just a part of my personality, who I am. After a few sessions, she told me I may have Dysthymia. What is Dysthymia you ask? Well according to Wikipedia, Dysthymia is a mood disorder that falls within the depression spectrum. It is considered a chronic depression, but with less severity than a major depression. This disorder tends to be a chronic, long-lasting illness. FANTASTIC!!! People with it are 3 times more likely to fall in to a major depression. WONDERFUL!
She recommended a book called The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. The handbook takes you through exercises that help you realize the negative or unrealistic way you feel in many different situations. It is also an alternative to taking medication. It felt like I was reading a book someone wrote for me about my mood issues. It was so eye opening and relieving to know there was help! I went through the entire handbook and it really helped improve my life.
The problem with Dysthymia is that you ALWAYS have to work on training yourself to think a different way than what your mind wants to. So, with all the life changes I’ve gone through, I totally let myself slip and am back in my funk. Which isn’t very helpful with a husband, baby and business that need you to be at 110%.
I opened the handbook again the other night and wanted to cry realizing how much I have backtracked and how I have picked up most of the bad habits I had worked to fix. So, here we go again. I’m happy I recognized, again, that I don’t have to be stuck in a negative rut and not fully enjoy life.
